Oh guys <3 Hi. I am very proud of myself today and I will tell you why. 

Odds have been stacked against me from the get go - exhausted from doing EMDR for the first time yesterday and from being woken up by cramps in the night, grumpy and in pain because my womb is doing some interior decorating, generally tired from working long days every day for the last 9 days. But I am so lucky to have a partner I can pester into bringing me breakfast in bed, bringing me my medication and laptop and giving me cuddles before she headed to uni to study. And who had stocked the cupboard full of instant noodles and the fridge full of kimchi, which I am about to enjoy. 

But you see, the disaster zone wasn’t just my lower abdomen today - our whole kitchen flooded. It was actually very scary, and there I had been so pleased with myself for putting on a laundry load when I’m so sore and tired! Alas, the drain is blocked and all the water came up through the sink, out over the counter tops and across the floor. The microwave and toaster are turned off and a No Touch Zone until I have the energy and wherewithal to check them over properly. 

I have used 4 large towels and 2 teatowels to soak everything up, which are now piled on the floor (adding to the growing pile of dirty dishes which we can’t clean because - blocked drain). It’s a mess, friends. And it is stressing me out. But this is why I am proud of myself - I didn’t spiral, not eat all day and lie in bed for 24 hours, which I might once have done. I warmed some tasty fruitbread in the oven a while ago, I’ve plied myself with tea, I’m about to have noodles. I’ve made the best nest ever on my bed (1 duvet 1 quilt 1 fluffy blanket 4 pillows 1 teddy bear) and am in leggings, clean socks and a jumper which feels slightly better than staying in pjs.

I’ve brought in my journals and have spent the day doing the boring task of consolidating all the random crap I have scattered across the internet and the cloud. Do you remember Deviantart? It was such a cute time, friends! We used to just chat earnestly about our drawings and all that stuff, I thought about deleting mine but it would mean deleting all those lovely conversations. So I’ve kept my pared down poetry one here

https://www.deviantart.com/mikan-nf/

and my art one here

https://www.deviantart.com/applemagpie

and these little time-capsules from the past have cheered me up no end. Does anyone else still use Deviantart?

oh no house, stop falling apart around me I am much to pms-y today. It feels like you are doing it on purpose and I know that is the womb-shedding hormones speaking but really, only one of us should be leaking at any given point.